Smelling Dogs from Smelling Dogs by Tom Robinson

The things we love smell sweet and fine
A lover's loins, a favourite wine
To kids and cats I'm quite resigned
But smelling dogs ? I draw the line

Friends of men & worried sheep
With rancid breath and yellow teeth
Who snarl at strangers, bite and bring
And freak each time the doorbell rings

Bulldog bitches, miniatures and beagles
Useful poodles, terriers with teeth
Cringing whippets, corgis and retrievers
Mastiffs that attack you in the street

Fed expensive smelly meat
With choicest strips of jellied beef
And salmon, duck or chicken breast
A hungry dog deserves the best

Collars set with precious stone
Cos charity begins at home
A beauty shampoo, set and comb
As Gnasher mauls his squeaky bone

Mangy mongrels, pedigree dalmations
Golden gundogs, dobermen and pekes
Ugly pugs and razorfanged alsations
Toy chihuahuas snapping at your feet

Doggie lovers drool and fuss
Say "he's just like one of us"
Sometimes Mummy gets annoyed
"Who killed the milkman - naughty boy!"

I went to Heaven the other night
And woke up sweating in a fright
Instead of Angels praising God
The place was Hell and full of dogs

So curb your bonfire-scented mutts
Your perfumed curs - no ifs or buts
To sniff their canine coats you're free
But keep them well away from me

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