obwfinticurburst by Simon Aulman
Of course disasters are always the best bits of our lives and at funerals the only old moments we realise our friend was truly alive are the bits when she just wanted the earth to swallow her up like it will do now before the day is out. This is one of my messy things but what makes me laugh is how the noisy stretches at the start and the end aren't messy enough, and the long quiet pretty stretch in the middle, which is meant to be structured and safe, is probably the only section that has a mind of its own.
I shall be doing lots more things like this - again - like I did a couple of years ago. No one likes them, they never get downloaded, and if I don't put them out as CDRs then no one ever "owns" one - and I feel that if I did put a few out as CDRs, all in a row one after the other, then they too would eventually never leave the house.
That's fine. I'm learning all the time. Not learning about how to make music - I want to forget the near-nothing that I already know. But I am learning that I like being unpopular. Not talking about my creations inside and around the music world - I've always been comfy about being grotesquely unpopular - that comes from when I was about twelve and first discovering that all my favourite albums were ones that no one had ever heard of and they'd each sold about 3 copies - shit, even less popular than I am now. And of course now they are all part of the canon in the Wire.
No, I am talking about being unpopular in real life. Yesterday, in London, because I'd left the ticket-buying to a nincompoop friend, I found myself/us sitting awkwardly among a couple of couples - strangers. I sat in dumbfoundedmentness at the inanity of their chatter. Already, only twenty-seven seconds after I had last opened my mouth, I was reminded that conversations are mainly about the sharing of facts, you orate a random bit of a Wikipedia page, and I fill in the bits you've forgotten, add a bit, mention something similar, then you fill in the gaps around the similar thing.
I've decided to take a vow of silence and a vow of solitude. That means I will make noisier music and waffle on here even more ineptly than before - because this is how I shall fit in at last. I keep thinking that if I keep on pretending to be interested in stuff then eventually I really will become interested in that stuff. It seems unbelievable. Are ten billion people on this planet really interested in stuff ? I wish there was a way on Bandcamp to write in italics here or bold type or something. There probably is - but I'm not interested enough to find out. I just want to emphasise the word "interested" - and then shock the world with the fact that I am not not not not not not not not not not not not. Not in a teenagey stroppy way, but in a very mature adult way. Somehow, this awful "progress " that has been forced on us has turned our world into a museum and everything is an exhibit with a name and a bit of writing about what it is and what it all means - life has become like a boring school trip to the Natural History Museum or something - and we're all obediently wandering around inside it - no wonder everyone is bored and fucking miserable.
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recorded today, another photo on Worthing pier a few weeks ago, this one by me
