Gray Area from Reservoir by Rather Be

we hope trauma to be a one-off,
a happening that goes as quickly as it comes,
a self that is defined and patient,
a self to return to when you are ready.
reset with a prescribed program of healing,
one-size-fits-all.
find yourself again in four easy steps.
repeat as necessary.

one:
ignore the gray area that sits comfortably between chronic and irregular.
a tremor without a purpose,
it becomes instinct, as if it was always there.

two:
if there is a god, she is impatient with me
while i look for an explanation in Good and Bad,
in black and white,
i find them both within myself.
if there is a god, she is angry with me for placing blame on circumstance.
i ask her if i'm being punished and she rolls her eyes.
i ask her if i'm being punished and she ignores me.

three:
luck, l u c k. noun. success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one's own actions.
spell it out slow enough for your throat to shake when you speak,
but fast enough to stop yourself from asking questions.

four:
my patient neuroses come out to play.
they say, i've been waiting to let this out like you waited to let me in.
a twitch holds still when it has to but it can only hide for so long,
moldy in the back of my craigslist dresser,
moldy in the back of my head as it repeats, repeats, repeats.
my patient neuroses have yet to learn
and they are not planning on it anytime soon.
stagnant is easy and they know it.

you, the oil spill.
me, the duck from the dawn commercial.
you, the person who saves the duck.
find yourself again in four easy steps.
repeat as necessary.

• Garth
• Rock
• emo
• indie
• Massachusetts