Pierrotpallet by P_hlsk beats

PierrotPalletリリースとPTSD治療費用ご協力のお願い
「PierrotPallet」
2025/8/23 Release
@p_hlsk91beats
ご無沙汰しております、P_hlskです。
今回のリリースのアルバムのテーマは「ピエロ、色」となります。コンセプトといたしましては色は感情と混沌、ピエロは人と違う喜怒哀楽を表している不協和音と明るさ、そして暗さとなります。

まず先に結論を申しますと、今回のリリースは精神医療(特にPTSDや気分障害などの精神疾患)における医療開発研究の治験協力のために行うためのものです。
未だ日本国内では、精神疾患の治療が発展途上で様々な研究が必要とされている現状があります。
気分障害の研究ナレッジには、私の通院先には同意いたしましたが、今回は一番重いPTSDへの治験にも参加同意をいたしました。
また、精神医療全般の研究レジストリのナレッジにも協力することとなりました。
治験の投薬の前に様々な検査、カウンセリング(インタビュー)、心理検査テスト、通院と回復度や病状のモニタリングをいたします。これらは時間がかかる上、1回の通院で非常に心身的に大きな負担を伴います。
私自身、幼少期に呼吸を止められるように、水中で知らない青年4人から性暴力を受けたことがあります。
その後もナイフで脅されて性接待強要をされたり、同意のない性暴力を受けてきました。
そのトラウマにより「私は穢れているのではないか」「死んでしまえばよかった」「楽にさせてほしい」と30年以上思い続け、何度も自殺未遂を繰り返し、反無意識的に幼少期の頃に返るように暴れてしまう症状が今でも続いています。
昨今、性被害というものはメディアでもよく話題になりますが、被害者のことを考えると非常に胸が痛むと同時に、憤りや悲しみでフラッシュバック症状に襲われ未だに悩み続けています。
「自分と同じような患者さまに少しでも寄り添えることはないだろうか」
「同じようにトラウマを抱え苦しむ患者さまを助けることは出来ないだろうか」と、長年考え、今回のご縁があり、この決断を行うこととなりました。
採血にしてもナイフで脅された経験以来、先端恐怖症のため非常に恐怖心を持っており、それに加えて激痛を伴う麻酔を打つ髄液検査を行う可能性もあります。心理テストにおいても自分が周囲の人々と違う点をダイレクトに目の当たりにしてしまうことから、帰り道に涙が出てしまうという状況です。
精神疾患を患ってしまうと仕事や家事もままならなくなり、当たり前のことをするにも相当なパワーが要されます。最悪の場合、私のように何度も失業を繰り返す場合も多くあります。
私はやむを得ない事情で、普通に生きれたかもしれない人たちが、普通になれない現実に寄り添っていきたいと強く強く願っています。

普通でなくても生きて良い社会を微力ながら目指してまいります。

P_hlsk

医院(PTSDについて)
https://www.ncnp.go.jp/hospital/patient/disease35.html
ENGLISH
PierrotPallet Release and Request for Support with PTSD Treatment Costs
(Since it’s long, the next part will follow.
Page 1 of 2)
@p_hlsk91beats
It has been a while. This is P_hlsk.
To begin with the conclusion: this release is being carried out in order to cooperate with clinical research in psychiatric medical development, particularly regarding PTSD and mood disorders.
In Japan, treatment for mental illness is still underdeveloped, and various research efforts are required.
I had previously agreed to participate in research on mood disorders at my clinic, but this time I have also agreed to participate in a clinical trial on PTSD, the most severe of these conditions. In addition, I have agreed to cooperate with the knowledge registry for research in psychiatric medicine as a whole.
Before the administration of the trial medication, there will be a variety of tests, counseling (interviews), psychological assessments, regular hospital visits, and monitoring of recovery and symptoms. These not only take considerable time but also place a very heavy physical and mental burden on me with each visit.
In my childhood, I was subjected to sexual violence underwater, suffocated by four unknown young men.
Later as well, I was threatened with knives and coerced into providing sexual favors, as well as subjected to non-consensual sexual assaults. Because of this trauma, for more than 30 years I have continued to think, “Am I defiled?” “Would it have been better if I had died?” “I want to be released from this pain.” I have attempted suicide many times, and even now I suffer from symptoms that cause me to regress unconsciously to my childhood, lashing out uncontrollably.
Recently, sexual assault has been a frequent topic in the media, and while it breaks my heart to think of the victims, at the same time I am overwhelmed by flashbacks of rage and sorrow, and continue to struggle.
───
I have long thought, “Is there any way I can reach out to patients like myself?” “Is there any way to help patients who are suffering from trauma like mine?” Through this connection, I have now made this decision.
Even something like a simple blood draw is terrifying for me, as I developed a phobia of sharp objects after being threatened with knives. In addition, there is the possibility of undergoing a spinal fluid test, which involves excruciating pain from anesthesia injections. During psychological testing, I am forced to confront in stark terms how I differ from those around me, and I often find myself in tears on the way home.
When afflicted with mental illness, even ordinary tasks such as work or housework become difficult, requiring tremendous energy just to manage everyday life. In the worst cases, as with me, people may repeatedly lose jobs and face instability.
Because of unavoidable circumstances, people who might otherwise have lived ordinary lives are unable to do so. I strongly, strongly wish to stand beside them and support them in this reality.
P_hlsk
About(What is PTSD)
https://www.ncnp.go.jp/hospital/patient/disease35.html
Written by P_hlsk
Edited and Proofread by Kota Takamori @fly_lo_tuss
“PierrotPallet”
Scheduled for release on August 23
Bandcamp:https://phlskbeats.bandcamp.com/album/pierrotpallet
The theme of this release’s album is “Pierrot, Colors.”
The concept is that colors represent emotions and chaos, while the pierrot represents dissonance within human joy, anger, sorrow, and delight—expressing brightness as well as darkness, different from the emotions of others.
Lastly, this decision requires both an enormous amount of physical and mental energy, as well as financial resources. I sincerely ask for your kind support.
I will continue, in my own small way, to work toward a society where it is acceptable to live even if one is not “ordinary.”

1991 from Tokyo,Japan
Beat/Bass/Artwork/illustration

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