Arbor Day from Girthquake by Johnny Thursday

(We got ourselves and ol' fashioned hoedown!)

I ate old raisins for breakfast and I got so sick that I had diarrhea for six hours straight and passed out on the floor and had a dream that I had no hands and so when I woke up I was terrified of the appendages on my arms so I cut them off with a can opener and blood was spewing out of my stumps which was frustrating so I tried to call my friend Derek but Derek is always sleeping and also I could not hold the telephone without hands so I tried to knock on his door down the hall but it hurt sort of because I had no hands and so I bust my face through his door and he was sitting on the floor and spanking his handsome hands together and when he saw me he screamed and ran to the door to help me but then slipped on a puddle of gravy and fell and he cracked his head open on the tile floor and said "I think I'm dying" and he died and I could not pull my head out of his door so I pushed the rest of myself in and slipped on Derek's brains and fell onto his corpse which was quite plush and so I slept and dreamt I had his handsome hands.

(What does it mean, ladies and gentlemen? I don't know. I suggest y'all go home and get yourself a nice footbath!)

• Comedy
• absurd
• avant folk
• folk
• indie
• nonsense
• Boston