2009 by JohnJRenns

father, you had me but i couldnt have you

and when you go
leave enough memories for me to remember you by
remember you by
oh when you go
dont forget to drop by the three of us to say goodbye
say goodbye

2009
second of March
a spring afternoon
flowers were withering
her by your side
never let go
something was lost
weight was then added
i had my first day of school
but soon absent for the funeral arrangement
i didnt go
i didnt know
just seven years old
devoid of soul
perhaps its just price to pay the toll

it was a day just like any other
tad insane at the best, suicidal at the worst
school was where i was given to smother
id come home to satisfy my creative thirst
when the moonlight triggered the curiocity upon
i asked a question regarding your long absence
innocent enough, if not for the fact you’re already gone
she held tears back and spoke of the silence

oh, everything made sense
it was a matter of lens
answers were questioned for Renns
come now and smell the incense

never had the chance to know anything
when questioned, he just said "You don't have to know anything."
at nights, i hear a silent weeping
so i grit my teeth and just keep on seething
she tells me tales of from way back then
she grew more and more manic, deserted by friends
often compelled to do the unthinkable
then she’d look at us and become unsinkable

another day of feeling like garbage
a mistake in the family with no faith in God
"i will live as i please," so i proclaimed
this is what she yells: "내가 너를 잘못 키웠어"
youre right ma, i refuse to believe i was born broken
shit must've got fucked somewhere down the line
as a 僕 i was made a pretty girl, as a 私 a horrible boy
and as a person i get called a fuckup

last night i saw you in my dreams
Something was off. not what it seemed
when i came to, i had the unknown urge to burst into tears
i crawled into bed and you whispered our mutual fears
you were loved as the first son
perhaps your death meant more to your mother than mine
thats what terrifies me the most
that a single day can mean so much for one, yet so little for another

[instrumental]

you used to cook me those sweet potatoes
smiling as you planted me a memory
sometimes im glad i dont remember anger amidst you
though if it existed id give up everything to know
counting all the what-ifs and could’ve-beens
im not sad because i miss you, i swear
i cry cause i didnt know you enough
to miss anything in the first place

she was an English teacher and you a nobody
you’d wait outside to greet her every afternoon
students would make fun of the idiot old man
but i suppose it meant something for the two of you
you were baptized only for her sake
i dont think either of us ever cared about any of that
but you cared so much for her, she was all that mattered
though, caring never could provide for mouths to feed

it was one mistake and that was it
everything you had build up had been shattered
the guilt killed you down, you werent like her
you couldnt take it and ended abandoning us
and i understand “love” as it is
not only to look out for others, but to be looked back as well
you never asked to be looked back - though i couldnt, anyways
because your love fucked everything else up in the end

and when you go
leave enough memories for me to remember you by
remember you by
oh when you go
dont forget to drop by the three of us to say goodbye
say goodbye
and when you go
leave enough memories for me to remember you by
remember you by
oh when you go
dont forget to drop by the three of us to say goodbye
say goodbye

(mama dont cry...)
and when you go
leave enough memories for me to remember you by
(father goodbye...)
remember you by
(mama dont cry...)
oh when you go
dont forget to drop by the three of us to say goodbye
(father goodbye...)
say goodbye
(mama dont cry...)
and when you go
leave enough memories for me to remember you by
(father goodbye...)
remember you by
(mama dont cry...)
oh when you go
dont forget to drop by the three of us to say goodbye
(father goodbye...)
say goodbye

(mama dont cry...)
and when you go
leave enough memories for me to remember you by
(father goodbye...)
remember you by
(mama dont cry...)
oh when you go
dont forget to drop by the three of us to say goodbye
(father goodbye...)
say goodbye
(mama dont cry...)
and when you go
leave enough memories for me to remember you by
(father goodbye...)
remember you by
(mama dont cry...)
oh when you go
dont forget to drop by the three of us to say goodbye
(father goodbye...)
say goodbye

mama dont cry...
father goodbye...
mama dont cry...
father goodbye...
mama dont cry...
father goodbye...
mama dont cry...
father goodbye...
mama dont cry...
father goodbye...
mama dont cry...
father goodbye...
mama dont cry...
father goodbye...
mama dont cry...
father goodbye.

• Pop
• art pop
• unpop
• South Korea