narcissus from closure by Jai Mohan

all i've ever needed is external validation
that sweet audience participation
that rush of happy that comes from being liked
and yeah sometimes i go a bit overboard
a bit scared of being ignored
and yeah it's true that i can get a little bit out of my mind

but it's all fine
it's sweeter than wine
when someone's fine with me

so gimme gimme gimme your love
tell me i am enough
for the shit in my head
to believe it instead
oh, oh
gimme gimme gimme your praise
listen to me whine all day
'cause i'm more insecure than i can say
and if i don't hear your love i forget

all i've ever been is empty in my bones
it's all i've ever known
and it's like a hunger, screaming at me to make sure i'm liked
so i consume everybody's words
i sing until i'm heard
and the insecurity fades into white

but it's all fine
i memorize the things my ego says until i can recite it
line by line
and it hurts but i know it's true
i'm not good enough for you
or anyone who's in my life

gimme gimme gimme your love
tell me i am enough
for the shit in my head
to believe it instead
oh, oh
gimme gimme gimme your praise
listen to me whine all day
'cause i'm more insecure than i can say
and if i don't hear your love i forget

and i'm sorry that i'm like this
sorry that i'm never fine
sorry every sentence out of my mouth starts with "i"
and i know that it's pathetic
that i act like a child
and i know that there is no one who will sit and watch me cry

but i'm Icarus
if i fly high enough i can pretend i'm free
i am Narcissus
wishing my reflection wasn't me
i could stare in the mirror for hours at a time
pointing out all my flaws and covering them up
and i have to become the best thing in anybody's life
i have to make them think i'm good enough

for the shit in my head
to believe it instead
oh, oh...
so gimme gimme gimme your praise
listen to me sing all day
'cause i'm more insecure than i can say
and i'm not finished yet

• Alternative
• classical crossover
• indie pop
• queer
• singer-songwriter
• vocal
• New York