Fancied Up by Chris Harris

I went away on holiday
to watch the World Cup
but when when I came back to my house
It had been fancied up
There's swashes on the curtains
and the lawn is full of gnomes
In fact it's safe to say
I barely recognise my home

They fancy up your bedroom
They fancy up your car
Why oh why oh why can't people
leave things as they are?

The colour scheme is dreadful,
I tell them, but they're deaf
Instead they knocked me up some shelves
from half-inch MDF.
The walls are offcut plasterboard;
I have a new front door
Installed without my knowledge
by a man from Channel Four

They fancy up your kitchen
And tell you, "You're a star!"
Why oh why oh why can't people
leave things as they are?

The new bath in my bathroom
Is far too small for me
but "it looks great on camera!"
says the team from the BBC.
The money from my licence fee -
I know just where it went
But I'm here in the garden
and I'm living in a tent

They've fancied up the garden shed,
it's really quite bizarre.
Why oh why oh why can't people
leave things as they are?

• DIY
• Progressive Rock
• Rock
• build up
• home improvements
• multi-instrumentalist
• plus tubular bells
• pop
• reality TV
• Bristol