The Plan from Gobischkevrot! by Goblin Hovel

SKR: So that was it then! Ghirrul’s little nightmares told us what we needed. There was something over the sea what made a Mountain come alive! If we could do that in our lands, we could stomp all the humans that’d been mucking up our turf! Trouble was, we had no plan! Wot, sail out to another land looking for a breathing mountain? With what ship? We’re cave goblins, we don’t build boats! Well, that’s where old Nerlhein over there came in. Eh, Nerl?

NERLHEIN: Eya!

SKR: AGH! Sneaky zogger, how’d you get over . . . Nevermind.
(nerlhein snickers and wanders off)
SKR: Watched the human boats, he did. Watched their sailors, too! Learned their schedules, their shifts, and in time, even found us a perfect match . . .

Voyage Of The Grogswiller
(water lapping noises. creaking of wood. crickets)

GHI: are we sure about this? Won’t we be seen?

SKR: Nah, not if Nerl does his job right.

BAA: I DON’T UNDER—

GHI and SKR: Shhh!

BAA: I don’t understand why we’re sneaking. Couldn’t we just gather up some boys and bash this whole town and TAKE their ships? Not like I’d have much trouble with that . . .

NER: No.

ALL: AAAAGH!

NER: if we did that we’d be stuck tryna figure out how to make the boat go places. Do any of YOU know how to make a boat go places?

ALL: Errrrr, (grumbles) no.

NER: No. But them humans know. And they’s gonna take us right where we need to go, up til the last moment. And once they got us on course . . . well, then we can start having some fun.
(fade to the cave noises again)

SKR: So we waited, waited . . . then, finally found some empty old barrels waiting to be filled. Nerl found where they were bound, we dragged em to the right dock under cover of night, and just hopped on in! Put us right on that sorry sack of sails and splinters, none the wiser! And that, my dear Humie, was the start of our glorious journey. Ah, but as much as I love talking about this part, let’s hear it from a master, eh? GHIRRUL!

GHI: Eh?

SKR: Get over ‘ere and tell this Humie bout the boat incident!

• Folk metal
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