Oh, Paul! from Oh, Paul! by Kerosene

Oh, Paul! Oh, Paul! Where did you go?
You were the last chance to be the rock star I always wanted to be
Singing Christmas hair metal for moms and dads everywhere
You overdid it on perscription meds, now I'll never get to live my dream
I burned out all my bridges in my hometown
And now the road between us has been closed forever
'Cause I'm a diva in training that can't sing very well
But I can't be told that by anybody

I can't handle the truth [x4]

"Doesn't anybody play long guitar solos over weird time signatures anymroe? What is this 6/4 crap? Is this a Top 40 station? Bah!"

Oh, Paul! Oh, Paul! I can't go back to being a roading for a third-string hair metal band!
All the hair metal bands I know are playing the oldies circuit and can't afford a tour bus, let alone a road crew... darn it!
The one musician around here I thought could help me is playing indie rock now, whatever that is.
He talks about how he owns his masters and his publishing ... Paul, what does that all mean?
All the hair bands I talk to when I go see them in bars tell me they still owe Geffen and Elektra and Chrysalis and Columbia money!

I can't handle the truth! [x4]

It's all gone to hell since grunge happened
It's all gone to hell since John Kalodner retired
It's all gone to hell since Great White set that nightclub on fire
Where's Eddie Trunk when you need him?

"Aw, man! ... What am I gonna do, Paul?"

Oh, Paul! Oh, Paul! I've been hanging out whwre my old guitar player hangs out.
You know, the one who writes his own songs and says he's mastering his own destiny ... what's that all mean, Paul?
I tried to do my own Christmas CD, but the studio says I owe them money.
I thought they said they'd do it for cheap? Isn't that what those indie rockers do?
Ahh, screw it! I guess I'll go on Facebook and talk smack about my enemies again; It worked before in the last cover band I was in!
Hell, my guitar player quit and wrote his own songs and started an indie rock band -- now he's a big success and I'm not!

I can't handle the truth! [x4]

It's all gone to hell since grunge happened
It's all gone to hell since John Kalodner retired
It's all gone to hell since Great White set that nightclub on fire
Where's Eddie Trunk when you need him?

Oh, Paul! Oh, Paul! Hello?
Where's my Ouija board? Hello?
Is this thing on? Hello?
I'm out of options, Paul!
Can you hear me?
Is this thing on?
Help!
Who's your doctor? Can you tell me? What did he prescribe you?
Will those pills help me the way they helped you?
Aw, man! Hello?
My beliefs say I'll burn in hell if I go out the way you went out, even though I'll really be worm food just like you.
Oh... DARN!
Dagnabbit!
Crap on a stick!
Meh!
Back to karaoke for me... meh!

• Hazleton