Fade from Fade by DestroyerMariko

A song of survival.

I wrote the song about battling chronic depression: the determination to get through each episode, to see through the negative thoughts and feelings that seem so convincing at the time... but also the acceptance of having to recognise your limits, choose your battles, and recharge. Today might not be the day you recover. It's okay to rest. Just hold on as best you can until you do find whatever you need to push back once again.

But it doesn't just have to be about depression. I've also been told it speaks to those who've had other challenges to overcome, such as addiction.

I welcome the listener to hear their own meaning in this song.

Whatever your struggle, please take what you need.

Tracklist

1.	Fade	4:57

Lyrics

A growing chill
As the fire begins to fade away
I retreat to slumber
Separate from the world of colour
Drowning in my own decay

But if you think that I will fall
You know nothing of my soul

Though you try to

Take away all my love
Pile the weight on from above
Desecration, tragedy
Poison all I used to be
Swallowing everything
Passionless, I can’t breathe
Still defy your plans for me

Tainted
Infirm
Withered
I purge my mind
Vilify
I’ll see through all your lies

Do your worst
I will not falter
I will withstand all your torture
For all the pain you put me through
I will never bow to you
I’ll drag myself into the light

I’ll keep on pushing through the forest of my misery
Starve my brain of chemicals, you tell me it’s eternity
Even in the dark I know your words are but a forgery
You’ll never hold me down

I will rise again

There comes a time
When all warriors need to rest
For now
I retreat to slumber
Holding faith that I will recover
Overcome my own decay

Do your worst
I will not falter
I will withstand all your torture
For all the pain you put me through
I will never bow to you
I’ll drag myself into the light anew

Credits

from Fade, released November 23, 2024
All art and music by Mariko Gray.

In Memory of Hope Mochi Gray 11/5/12 - 23/11/23

Special thanks to Henry Decrier for allowing me to publish our original demo as a bonus track! Without you, this song would not exist.

Thanks also to: Kit Wing Fu who was there for me when I didn't realise just how much I'd need it that day; my Wise Godmother and my brother Dave who've let me vent some seriously distressing stuff; Noctica, whose music, realness, and journey helped provide the spark I needed to get this done; Edmond Thommen forever supporting my wordsmithing; my psychologist now that I finally found the right one; my Cult of Destructionism on Patreon, especially Arn of the Apocalypse, Nervous Neuron, and Schizoid Angst; all my friends, family, and other supporters; and my puppy Triton AKA Orical Hope For Atlantis, who saved my life and got me back into the world again.

License