happy/crazy from three houses by dave malloy

SUSAN
on some nights
i was filled with abounding joy,
reveling in the absurdity of my situation.
alone in a birch tree forest in latvia
while the world slowly crumbled apart.

i’d deck myself out
in my grandmama’s jewels and shawls,
dance and prance about the house,
feeling her energy radiate off my adornments.

exquisite objects that my grandmama wore,
such craft and care,
they hold a piece of her.
they are alive.
i hugged my grandmama’s ghost.

dazzling in the slipstream.
marveling at my solitude.
i am a speck.
i am a speck!
i am a tiny tiny tiny tiny speck!

and oh i like this!
i like when the boys are away.
i like when the world is away.
i can laugh and play
and sing and swing
and bipbop sting
and tickle myself.

maybe that’s what i really want from a partner:
you tickle me for a bit,
i tickle you for a bit,
and then you go the fuck away.

leave me on my own
in a blisscloud of weed and wine.

and i am so

SUSAN, POOKIE, BECKETT & WOLF
happy right now.
i know that i shouldn’t be happy
but i am so happy right now.

SUSAN
so happy and fucking new.

POOKIE, BECKETT & WOLF
happy right now…

SUSAN
no responsibilities,
no bullshit—
just life and trees.
the joy and simplicity of being alive.

but then, there were other nights...

i feel a bubble of panic inside.
my core is a razor blade waiting to die.
a fire is fuzzing its way up my throat
as my stomach and liver and brain all revolt.

birch tree branch smoke
stinging my eyes.
chair tips back
and i fall through the sky.
heart skip vertigo
spasm and shock,
what if my heart gives out?
what if my mind goes out?
alone in the forest.

porch swing chain creaks close to collapse.
there’s no way that i can think out of this trap.
cut bare feet on a dizzy tightrope.
when will catastrophe find me?

BECKETT & WOLF
fuck around and find out
fuck around and find out
fuck around and find out
fuck around and find out…

SUSAN
why am i like this?
why do i need this?
these constant narcotic distractions—
stimulation in my mouth.

POOKIE
miss susan!

SUSAN
annihilation on my mind.

POOKIE
pook pook pook!

SUSAN
poke poke poking
at the shimmering veil,
outrunning my thoughts in the thickets.

POOKIE
come on miss susan—

SUSAN
where are the crickets now?
you little liars…

POOKIE
time for bed!

SUSAN
crazy person, coming in,
i stumble in
and clutch the wall.
this house is too big for me,
the hall looms so long.
i slide and fall.

(susan crashes into a crystal bowl; it shatters.)

fuck!

POOKIE
miss susan!

SUSAN
the crystal shatters
shards in a thousand directions.

POOKIE (angry)
miss susan no!

SUSAN, SADIE, BECKETT & WOLF
if the crystal had a soul,
are there now a thousand souls
scattered all across the kitchen floor?

and if the house has a soul,
was the crystal part of that soul?
is it hurting now?
am i a part of the soul of this house?
am i a part of the soul of this world?

SUSAN
and if i once shared a soul
what is left after the break?

(grandfather appears before the record player, staring at the spinning disk.)

GRANDFATHER
crazy
i’m crazy for feeling—

SUSAN
grandpapa?
grandpapa is that you?

GRANDFATHER
crazy
i’m crazy for feeling—

SUSAN
you abandoned them!
how dare you leave them!

GRANDFATHER
crazy
i’m crazy for feeling—

SUSAN
reach out, pull back,
reach out, pull back—
so fucking crazy.

GRANDFATHER
crazy
i’m crazy for feeling—

SUSAN (burning herself)
the cigarette burns my arm,
i can feel the burn—

(grandfather disappears; susan knocks over a tower of books.)

this is why he left me—

POOKIE (taking on a demon voice)
reckless!

SUSAN
i know!

POOKIE
irresponsible child!

SUSAN
i know i know!

POOKIE
you have no impulse control!

SUSAN
i know i know i know!

POOKIE
i do not care for chaos miss susan.
do not upset your pūķis!

BECKETT & WOLF
fuck around find out
fuck around find out
fuck around find out

fuck around find out
fuck around find out
fuck around find out

fuck around find out
fuck around find out
fuck around find out

(susan passes out on the floor.)

• Experimental
• theatre
• New York