Thanks? from Home by CJ Lawrence

I had just moved back to town
I had a nice job
I had a cool car that I lived in
You had a house full of friends
I bought pizza and pot
For a spot on your couch

I… I tried pretty hard to love you
I thought we were queer enough
for me to be someone I’m not
Looking back…
there may have been some red flags
But first, there was joy

I moved up to your twin bed
We shared T-shirts and jeans
And wore matching outfits to gay prom
We got our own place downtown
Our fights turned violent
But I thought we were trying to fix things

I… I tried so fucking hard to love you
I thought we were queer enough
for me to be someone I’m not
It took two to get ourselves into that mess
But how could you?

now I don’t even bother to hate you
You might deserve it, but I just don’t care
You threw me across a room
Betrayed me with an awful act
But why did it take all that?
For me to see
I could be the good guy
In my own story

I had to work so hard to love me
I thought I was too queer to accept who I am
I suppose, if that was what it would take
I could even say ‘thanks?’

• Folk
• emo folk
• folk
• folk punk
• indie folk
• queer folk
• singer-songwriter
• Oakland