The Thinker from Limbo by Ryan Benis

Every night I'm a thinker
Wonder why I ever picked up a pen
Never was cause it was my only friend
Seems all I write is now all i should mend
Mind out of sight
Forgive and forget
These verses ain't words
Just cursive amends
Confessions I made to the void again
But nothing comes back when nothing is sent

Every track say "fuck it, add the context
So off the rails, tell the world your so complex"
Where is the line from catharsis and content
Feeling like a conman
God, what a concept
I wanna be better, I wanna be great
I wanna be the boy thinking it be okay
But lately I feel I'm stuck in my ways
But why can't the past just go away
I've lost family and friends
To things I can't even pretend (is my fault)
Ego be the reason that they fell off
Rather cut a joke then just talk
Fuck off
Know my life a long shot
Maybe ignorant, shouldn't spit
Made Goof, should've quit
My buddies knock me like a hit
Knew the reason but resented it
“Man, you shouldn't talk”
I'm sensitive to a fault, maybe I could restart
Mend my broken heart
Crazy I can't call Message you and say when "I fell off,
"I'm sorry I'm a liar and a pest
Not a creep, needing get this off my chest
Million things in my head, but what comes out?"
Tic tic tic tok
Oh nothing yet!

And notes, no demos or scripts
Just sit in this lounge on the internet
For 3 years straight just overthinking
Teaching myself I failed my mission
No confrontation, all suspicion
Paranoia became my witness
Physically hitting my head like a bitch
I spit in the mirror
I hated the image
Hated the lies, and hated my life
But I love my partner, I watched as she cry
So when the fuck am I gonna shout?
When am I gonna speak out?
Say something, gotta say something
You either die a victim cause you said nothing
Be a mayter or a mute, so say something
I've tried suicide but didn't die from it

No confidence, I'm scared
Tried 3 times, yet i ain't out
Just gained weight from the take out
Sit and pout, guilty I can't take me out
I wished I could, but everytime I can't
From the bridge, the blow dryer then
To the car speeding, I can't take it
Praying it'll stop this complacence
Red hood on, crying that I'll face it
Downward spiral, can't erase it
Put the headphones on my ears
Hear the reasons why I'm so weird
Lend an ear like I thought I could
Should go back to Hollywood
Think I'm a big shot, need to shrink
Send to the therapist office and they can tell me
Am I a good man?

Am I a good man?
I just need a plan
I can't see myself going back to hell
Panic attacks from waking up, well
Y'all want war?
Y'all want strive
Simply put: I just wanna be alive
Enemies asking “how to survive
How do I thrive
Make a record rhyme?
How do I live? How do I shine?
How do I stop voices of mine?
Telling me to take that nine?
Pull to my head and click till it's fine?”
Brother I feel you, just stay on the line
I will forgive you, I cannot deny
If you just stay here, we'll work and we'll try
To get off the bridge, won't kill myself, I'll

Just say to myself you just gotta try
And Ryan he'll ask me, “How can I find the light
After he found the fight?”
You're right, I know I'm too soft.
I know it's my fault
But I cannot lie
Life is better when you fucking try
So fuck everyone who thinks you can't fly
So film it and rap it, that pen don't deny
I'll be here forever, so watch as I rise
So take my advice
Look at me
Simply don't die.
Look at me
Simply don't die.
Look at me
Pray for me
Pray for me

• Experimental
• Hip-Hop/Rap
• bad
• industrial
• underground hip hop
• New Zealand