Nightmare! from Limbo by Ryan Benis

Relapsed into self hatred
Voices screaming I'm a failure
I'm a mistake, liar, faker
Scribble pain onto the paper
Rip and burn it
No one read it
Bottle up my guilt and stress
Can't tell anyone the reasons
Panic attacks every second
But in therapy they told me
That “I love Catastrophizing”
But my reasons are so clear
Replaced abuse for criticizing
I'm my own mental abuser
Hate myself but learning why
"You almost fucking killed me"
I scream at the man inside my eyes
These eps are just my breakdowns
Mixed and mastered for release
Look at me, preaching from my soap box
I can finally see
My depression and anxiety a challenge I can't manage
Take the risk of being wrong
Reality broke like my own speaking patterns
“Ego killing everyone”, I say with proclamation
Couldn't speak before so fuck it
Scream before my condemnation
Possibility of heaven worse then probability of hell
Staring at the mirror
Make a fist and beat myself

I love to blame everybody but myself, that's what I'm good at
Accountability is just the first step down the new path
They shut the roads, here I am, doing it, that's too bad
Emotion over logic, big mad until they get sad

But when the whole worlds ending
Can't be begging to forgive me
People spitting at me say that
“My depression is privileged”
Put my sadness in perspective when you find me in a hearse!
When I see them all in hell, look my life and say it could be worse
“Could be much worse”

I love to blame everybody but myself, that's what I'm good at
Accountability is just the first step down the new path
They shut the roads, here I am, doing it, that's too bad
Emotion over logic, big mad until they get-

I know it's all fucked up
I know it's all fucked up
I know it's all fucked up
I know-
I know it's all fucked up
I know that I fucked up
I know that I can’t get better
I can't can’t change, no
I can't change
I can't change
I can't change
Just stop…
Just stop…
Just stop..
Just stop..
Stop it!
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!
Please just stop!

(When you gonna do it?)

• Experimental
• Hip-Hop/Rap
• bad
• industrial
• underground hip hop
• New Zealand