moth from shed blood by Ada Rook

and in the daylight i collapsed
in the distance between what i knew
and what i knew had passed
i felt the blood and the skin
upon the backs of my hands
i couldn't see them as my own
and i lay in the cold
let go

i think about those years
time spent in fear
i'm glad that you're not here
i wanna make that clear
who did you think you were to me?
a pleasant memory?
can't you see
you ruined me

and in the evening i'm alone
where is home?
it's really not that bad
given what i had
but the feeling hasn't gone away
and to this day
i don't quite understand
why it felt so bad

i can count the ways that i know
why it felt like hell
but i always feel like i'm alone
a feeble misconstructed histrionic shell

i cannot remember all those years
they're not here
somewhere locked away
who's to say
what you meant when you touched me
i can barely hold that memory
without feeling guilt consume me
but i guess i was lucky
that you wanted me to be somebody
and maybe you were just lonely
i'll never know
i'll never know.
i think about those years
a life spent in fear
i'm glad that you're not here
look, i wanna make that clear
who did you think you were to me?
a pleasant memory?
can't you see?
you ruined me
i think about those years
time spent in fear
you're not here.

• Electronic
• ambient
• concrete
• industrial
• Montreal