he_el by Abdicrat

Written throughout the mid-to-late 2010's, he_el is a psychosexual romp through depression and one's propensity for cruelty. The perspectives expressed therein are largely unconstructive and embittered. Some songs were intentionally written that way and others reflect real misunderstandings I had at the time. Much to the chagrin of Early-20s-Me, the difficult work of unlearning these harmful beliefs/behaviors had to happen away from any artistic output. I hope that you can feel sympathy for while acknowledging the problems with the characters portrayed on this album. For those who may find that task difficult, know that I have no plans to return to this style of writing.

It took almost a decade and over 30 persons’ hard (unpaid) work to finish this album. I likely wouldn't still be making music today if not for Madstop Records, whose facilities and personnel were invaluable for crafting the sound of this record. Our criminally-underutilized jazz guitarist JJ Fruits offered very necessary tough love back when this project was somehow more indulgent. Both Taylor Moniker and Ned Greenough might as well be listed as co-producers for their massive creative contributions. My siblings', mother's, and grandparents' support helps create the environment that allows me to recover and learn from my worst moments. Fellow creatives in my chosen family inspire me with their art to continue fighting against the societal and political forces pulling everyone away from that very act of art creation. Thank you.

This is he_el. It's messy and imperfect. I would argue that it contains some satire that doesn't totally translate due to a lack of real self awareness. There are a lot of criticisms that I could continue to list here. Perhaps the ability to recognize these flaws in my old writing indicates a willingness to learn and change over time rather than some deep character flaw inherent to my being. At least, that’s my perspective after revisiting and eventually finishing this album. I'll end this with three lessons I've learned while finishing he_el:

Healing isn't a linear process.
Make room in your self-criticism for grace.
Don't take over 5 years to finish an album after it’s been written, ever.


- Abdicrat, 11/21/2024

Hammering endlessly at the marble to find the sculpture within.

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